The year is 1984. And the world of a nameless fourteen-year-old schoolboy from Exeter is as nightmarish as that imagined by George Orwell. As demonstrated by his difficulty in recounting the ever-decreasing “good bit” between waking up dead and wanting to be dead as he crawls through a crowd of strutting bullies who police the school gates like gorgons, beyond which he is served a daily diet of liver and onions followed by a desert of punch in the face.

The pre-show track says it all really: Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush. Only it is a literal and metaphorical sprint. On the one hand, keeping his head down in his aptly-coloured black and blue uniform and retro-hetero Umbro bag (on which he emblazons the names of his favourite bands in sparkling silver). On the other, swimming against the tide of heterosexism which if you thought was bad now was ten-times worse under the shadow of AIDS.

Written and directed by Ben SantaMaria for Flaming Theatre, Really Want To Hurt Me is an absorbing hour-long confessional monologue about the reality of growing up gay in a “gay is not okay” society. The plot of which is linear and domestic, laced with fine detail of the time and coloured by a gentle wit which is delivered with great charm and sensitivity by Ryan Price.

Each episode interspersed with carefully chosen snatches of iconic eighties tracks, which he uses to drown out his detractors and inner demons as well as cling to for solace and direction. As well as emotionally-charged choreographed sequences. None more so than when he hollers a John Merrick-esque “I am not an animal, I am a human being” in the form of “No more” before engaging in a violent fight-cum-dance-cum-orgasm to the tune of Sex Crime by The Eurythmics.

The peaks and troughs need accentuating to elevate the action from tell to engage, but the understated manner of the direction and performance makes the production deeply human, disarmingly honest and towards the end quietly moving as the schoolboy wrestles with the thought that though he’s been “waiting so long for the thinking to stop” he’s not sure if he’s “ready for the living”.

REALLY WANT TO HURT ME Edinburgh Festival Fringe trailer from Flaming Theatre on Vimeo.

Peter Callaghan
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