So there we have it: all men are bastards. Or as Queen Elizabeth I (Margot Robbie) more eloquently put it: “How cruel men are.” Were yesterday, are today, will be tomorrow.

None more so than the parcel of rogues in a nation who conspire against Mary, Queen of Scots (Saoirse Ronan) on the grounds that she is a “papist” and, worse, a female one to boot. Cue furious frothing at the mouth from a pulpit-preaching David Tennant who convincingly plays against type as the protestant cleric John Knox.

Though quite why Karen Dunbar was chosen as a featured gurner in the outraged congregation is beyond me. For her fleeting cameo adds humour where none should be.

Life’s a bitch if you’re a bitch. And in the case of Mary’s beguiling minstrel David Rizzio (Ismael Cruz Córdova) and dashing if unfaithful second husband Lord Darnley (Jack Lowden), a ‘mare if you’re a mare whose mair interested in mayors than mayoresses.

Give or take a few walks in the long grass of fiction – the most controversial of which being a charged heart-to-heart between the rival queens as they snake their way through a waft of smoke and billow of curtains before Elizabeth confides to Anne that she is envious of her “beauty, bravery and motherhood” who in turn warns her cousin that she has more right to the English throne and if push comes to shove will aid her enemies – the facts are like Superman: well, Kent.

To say that the screenplay by Beau Willimon (The Ides of March) is a slow-burner is an understatement on a par with “Houston, we’ve had a problem.” For it comes dangerously close to flatlining into so-whatery. A sinking feeling not helped by the sombre tone and gloomy cinematography which, though fitting, hardly quickens the pulse.

And though the steamy sex scenes between Mary and Lord Darnley are a deliberate counterpoint to the barren bed chamber of the smallpox-ridden ice maiden Elizabeth, there’s more than a whiff of 50 Shades of Wahey about them as a sudden muff dive sends Mary into an orgy of Meg Ryan gyrations.

Thankfully, the final quarter of the film ratchets up a gear as plot and counterplot transforms threats into action. The casting and performances are note-perfect: Ronan ravishing, Robbie restrained, Lowden lascivious. The costumes and make-up are resplendent and worthy of their Oscar nominations. The landscape of Scotland has never looked so majestic and unspoiled (albeit its people have never looked so back-stabbing). And celebrated theatre director Josie Rourke makes an accomplished screen debut in tightening the strings of Beau Willimon’s rather loose knot of a plot.

Director: Josie Rourke
Writers: Beau Willimon, based on the book “Queen of Scots: The True Life of Mary Stuart” by John Guy
Stars: Saoirse Ronan, Margot Robbie, Jack Lowden
Peter Callaghan
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