Some films are so bad they’re good. Others so bad they’re straight-to-video. Kong: Skull Island has one foot in both camps and therein lies the problem. With the exception of the visual effects team and perhaps John C. Reilly as the madcap lieutenant Hank Marlow – the only actor to revel in the silliness with a nod and a wink to how bad it is – no one comes out shining like a shilling.

Though judging by the wooden performances by A-listers such as Tom Hiddleston, Samuel L. Jackson and John Goodman (to name but a few), pounds, shilling and pence would appear to have been their sole motivation for taking part. Which brings to mind Michael Caine’s witty response when asked about the artistic merit of Jaws: The Revenge: “I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific.”

The screenplay by the Oscar-nominated Dan Gilroy (Nightcrawler), Max Borenstein (Godzilla) and Derek Connolly (Jurassic World, its sequel and the up and coming Star Wars film) is, to use Caine’s word, terrible. The only saving grace is that the lame dialogue provides ample ammunition for a satirical critique. I give you this zinger from Senator Willis (Richard Jenkins): “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but that almost makes sense.”

Goodman looks as though he’s practicing the art of not blinking; Jackson’s agent must have negotiated a pay-per-nostril-flare clause in his contract; Larsson and Hiddleston are there for eye candy purposes only; and the bloated cast list of A. N. Others are mere cannon fodder for the impressive Kong and a rogues’ gallery of gigantic lizards, octopuses and – wait for it – stick insects to crush! Skull Island? Director Jordan Vogt-Roberts must have been out of his skull when he made it!

Video courtesy of: Warner Bros. Pictures

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Peter Callaghan
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